Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Mr. & Mrs.
Last night I promised I'd elaborate on the whole getting away with the hubby thing, and I know you're all holding your breath in suspense, so here you go! ;)
Before the trip, I have to be honest, I was struggling a little bit with my excitement levels. Don't get me wrong, I was excited and really looking forward to the trip, but I just kept feeling that before having a baby I would have been jumping out of my skin in anticipation. For some reason I just felt like I kept stalling out at an 8 out of 10...I just couldn't get that excited, and I kind of felt bad about it.
It was the very first vacation we'd taken away from our L, and the longest either of us had ever been away, so I wasn't quite sure what to expect and I really didn't want to be that crazy mom that's crying over her margarita at the beach. And let's be real, I typically am that crazy mom, so I was definitely afraid of the worst.
It turned out to be the very best thing we have ever done. We missed our girl, and would laugh about her little animal sounds, and watch videos on my phone and look at pictures, but for the most part we were just us. We were the couple from the beginning that fell in love, got married, and had that baby. It wasn't about her and her schedule, and what I forgot to put in my diaper bag this time. It was just about us. It was amazing.
I have to say that out of all the new mom surprises I had, the one I think I most felt disappointed in was the feeling that I was no longer as able to make my husband my priority. When we got married I took pride in my nurturing of him. I did the grocery shopping, and made dinners, and packed lunches, and scratched his back whenever he asked (which is A LOT). I loved him, and I loved doing those things to show it.
Before Lyla I told myself that when we had a baby this wouldn't change. He would remain my number one priority and while I would love my kids, he came first and always would. After all, when your kids grow up it's just you and your husband again, right?
After having Lyla I fell in love in a brand new way. A way that is so hard to explain, but suddenly there is this tiny, beautiful, innocent soul that you are responsible for. They need you, not like a husband needs you, but literally depend on you for survival. I was hooked, and my entire mind, body, and soul were consumed with her and doing everything I could to give her the very best love and care.
We were good about trying to get out on our own right away, we even went out to a movie less than 2 weeks after she was born, but I couldn't shake this feeling of guilt that I didn't feel like he was my number one priority anymore. Fast forward a year later, and after a long day of work and baby and dishes and laundry, I pretty much just melt into the couch after she goes to bed at 7pm. I still make dinner, and take care of those things but my priority is definitely her - making sure she's happy, fed, bathed and in bed on time. And when he asks me to scratch his back post couch melt? My reaction is typically a little less lovey-dovey-new-wife, and a little more "really? I've done everything else, and this too??"
He's still a very top priority, but I think I was just disappointed that doing those things, like back scratching, came less naturally, and require more internal reasoning - more reminding myself that yes, he needs me too. And I need him.
I hate that I haven't been able to maintain the priority list with a natural ease like I said I would, but I think (or hope) that it's mostly a new mom thing, and that whole mama bear, protect your little cub, feeling is natural and normal. I also think that at the very least, being cognizant of making my husband and my baby my priorities is at least a good start.
Another good start? Taking vacations together. Leaving our sweet little girl behind for 5 nights, 6 days of "us" was exactly what the doctor ordered. It was even better than our honeymoon because we now have a bond that goes even deeper than before. Getting away and appreciating each other, drinking too much, goofing off, talking about the future and laughing about the past, relaxing, and just being Mr. and Mrs...it was incredible. I highly, highly, highly recommend it.