Friday, April 12, 2013

Love Letters: From Freedom to Falling in Love

So I guess I’m going to give this blog thing a try. Before I start babbling, I want to thank you, Kassi, for all of your advice on mommy-hood. You’re a fabulous mommy to Lyla and I couldn’t have done this without you. XOXO!

Prior to becoming a mom, life was SO carefree. I could do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, and didn’t have to answer to anybody! I could come and go as I pleased, make spur of the moment plans, sleep all day, sleep all night, take a long relaxing shower, take a long relaxing bath, get ready at my own pace, not worry about anything… I mean the list goes on and on. I was 100% content. It was awesome. It was perfect. 

And then… I became a mom. I became a mom to the most beautiful baby boy I’d ever seen. I melt inside thinking about the first time I laid eyes on my son. I couldn’t believe he was mine and that he was so perfect. It brings tears to my eyes. Asking, “how can you possibly love someone SO much that you just met” sounds so cliché. But it exists. It’s very real. He will never know the amount of love I have for him.

From the moment he arrived, nothing from my prior ‘perfect life’ mattered. None of it. He was now the center of my world and everything I thought about and everything I did was for him. All I wanted to do was sit around all day long and snuggle and stare at my baby. I’m serious. It got to the point where I had to force myself to be socially interactive! My poor husband probably thought I’d really let myself go when showering became a luxury and I considered ‘getting dressed’ for the day to be changing from my pajamas to my yoga pants. I do want to clarify that I now shower and get dressed in real clothes on the reg. In the early newborn days, most of the time the house was absolutely trashed and most of the time I looked like I’d been hit by a bus, but it didn’t matter. As long as my baby was content and dressed in some seriously adorable clothes, I didn’t care about anything else.

I’ve never been one to live in the moment because I’m always dwelling on how fast time goes and yearning for things in the past. Because of this, I take the opportunity to take as many pictures and videos of him as possible so I don’t forget a minute. It’s kind of funny to see how many I have of him as a newborn just laying on his back staring into the abyss. Others probably found them to be so dull and boring, but to me every single one was better than the last. I remember wondering if I should ease up on how many pictures I was posting of him (because it was kind of crazy for a bit, I’ll admit), but I couldn’t help it. I was smitten… obsessed. He had stolen my heart forever. Besides, if people didn’t like it then they didn’t have to follow me! :)

Every night before I go to sleep, I go through my phone and look at all of the pictures and videos I’ve accumulated of him over the past 6 months. On Instagram, I can see in the top right hand corner how much time has elapsed since I posted that specific picture and my heart breaks a little every time another week passes by. I’m not sure that feeling will ever go away completely, but I will say that with time he only gets better and better. His little (or should I say BIG) personality is starting to show. With each new noise and each new milestone he hits, I find myself feeling so excited and proud of him. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still saddened by the fact that he isn’t my tiny little newborn anymore, but I do actually find myself looking forward to the next new thing he is going to learn and actually encouraging him to grow! It helps me to live in the moment and soak it all in.

Long story short, becoming a mom has changed my life forever. I may not be able to come and go as I please, make spur of the moment plans, sleep all day, sleep all NIGHT, take a long relaxing shower or a long relaxing bath, get ready at my own pace, or not worry about anything… in fact I worry about EVERYTHING. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love you Dexter John, you are the light of my life. xoxo

- Heather Sebra
Instagram: feather24

Note from Kassi: I love this girl and her little baby, D.  But I mostly love that she’s every bit as crazy-in-love with her baby as I am with mine.  We’ve had quite the adventure becoming moms around the same time, and have become our own little mama sanity check team…which is good and bad because I think we’re probably very far from sane, but together at least we feel normal. ;)

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