Wanted: Ruby Slippers

A year ago today we made the big move out to Minnesota with our teeny girl, and my sister, Jo, who came with for 2 weeks and took these pics of us and our new home. 

I have mixed emotions with this anniversary.  It's so funny how time has a way of going excruciatingly slow and crazy fast at once.  In some ways it's been a great year, and we've built a little home with so many memories of our baby girl, but at the same time I can't fight this feeling that it's still not really our home.

I don't know, it's hard to explain, it's just that when I land in the MSP airport it still doesn't feel like my airport.  And when I'm driving around town it doesn't feel comfortable and automatic, and I end up missing exits a lot.  Which could just be chalked up to my extreme lack of direction and/or navigation skills, but still.

At the same time, I know I'll ball like a baby when we leave this place to go back to Colorado (some day).  Our girl has seen a lot of good days, and a lot of snowy days, in this here state.  I just wish I had some ruby slippers so I could click-click-click my way home every once in a while.

- K

P.S. Ryan will surely complain that there is only one pic of him and the baby in this post, so I'd just like to say, for the record, that he is a poor, poor sport about family photos and he arrived fashionably late.  Which resulted in just this one photo.

 

Girl Time



Last week my stepmom, aunt and sister came into town to visit and help with L while our nanny was out of town.  It's actually funny to call Katherine my aunt, because she's always been more of a friend.  It was so fun to have them in town and get a few days of girl time.  Last night when I was cleaning up the kitchen after they left I was remembering each morning, us girls piled up around the table with our coffee, chatting and laughing.  It's been a long time since I've had some good ol' girl time, and it was even better than I remembered.

I'm blessed to have so many awesome women in my family.  Lyla kinda sorta loved having her grandma and aunts around too.  :)

- K

oh, yeah - and ryan was there too.  he loves girl time.

shoe shopping at nordstrom

grammy loves

 

swingin and chattin

all the girls

Mr. & Mrs.

Last night I promised I'd elaborate on the whole getting away with the hubby thing, and I know you're all holding your breath in suspense, so here you go!  ;)

Before the trip, I have to be honest, I was struggling a little bit with my excitement levels.  Don't get me wrong, I was excited and really looking forward to the trip, but I just kept feeling that before having a baby I would have been jumping out of my skin in anticipation.  For some reason I just felt like I kept stalling out at an 8 out of 10...I just couldn't get that excited, and I kind of felt bad about it.

It was the very first vacation we'd taken away from our L, and the longest either of us had ever been away, so I wasn't quite sure what to expect and I really didn't want to be that crazy mom that's crying over her margarita at the beach.  And let's be real, I typically am that crazy mom, so I was definitely afraid of the worst.

It turned out to be the very best thing we have ever done.  We missed our girl, and would laugh about her little animal sounds, and watch videos on my phone and look at pictures, but for the most part we were just us.  We were the couple from the beginning that fell in love, got married, and had that baby.  It wasn't about her and her schedule, and what I forgot to put in my diaper bag this time.  It was just about us.  It was amazing.

I have to say that out of all the new mom surprises I had, the one I think I most felt disappointed in was the feeling that I was no longer as able to make my husband my priority.  When we got married I took pride in my nurturing of him.  I did the grocery shopping, and made dinners, and packed lunches, and scratched his back whenever he asked (which is A LOT).  I loved him, and I loved doing those things to show it. 

Before Lyla I told myself that when we had a baby this wouldn't change.  He would remain my number one priority and while I would love my kids, he came first and always would.  After all, when your kids grow up it's just you and your husband again, right?

After having Lyla I fell in love in a brand new way.  A way that is so hard to explain, but suddenly there is this tiny, beautiful, innocent soul that you are responsible for.  They need you, not like a husband needs you, but literally depend on you for survival.  I was hooked, and my entire mind, body, and soul were consumed with her and doing everything I could to give her the very best love and care.

We were good about trying to get out on our own right away, we even went out to a movie less than 2 weeks after she was born, but I couldn't shake this feeling of guilt that I didn't feel like he was my number one priority anymore.  Fast forward a year later, and after a long day of work and baby and dishes and laundry, I pretty much just melt into the couch after she goes to bed at 7pm.  I still make dinner, and take care of those things but my priority is definitely her - making sure she's happy, fed, bathed and in bed on time.  And when he asks me to scratch his back post couch melt?  My reaction is typically a little less lovey-dovey-new-wife, and a little more "really?  I've done everything else, and this too??" 

He's still a very top priority, but I think I was just disappointed that doing those things, like back scratching, came less naturally, and require more internal reasoning - more reminding myself that yes, he needs me too.  And I need him.

I hate that I haven't been able to maintain the priority list with a natural ease like I said I would, but I think (or hope) that it's mostly a new mom thing, and that whole mama bear, protect your little cub, feeling is natural and normal.  I also think that at the very least, being cognizant of making my husband and my baby my priorities is at least a good start.

Another good start?  Taking vacations together.  Leaving our sweet little girl behind for 5 nights, 6 days of "us" was exactly what the doctor ordered.  It was even better than our honeymoon because we now have a bond that goes even deeper than before.  Getting away and appreciating each other, drinking too much, goofing off, talking about the future and laughing about the past, relaxing, and just being Mr. and Mrs...it was incredible.  I highly, highly, highly recommend it.

- K

Jamaica

Our trip to Jamaica last week was hands down the best vacation I've ever been on in my life.  We didn't do a thing except sleep in, eat, drink, and drink some more.  We even cancelled massage appointments because sticking to any sort of "schedule" kind of cramped our style.  We also managed to both get sunburned despite our very grown up attemps at avoiding it by applying 50 SPF.  See what a winter in Minnesota will do to you?!

We made a bunch of great friends, all celebrating one thing or another.  We felt like we'd actually gone on vacation with friends, not just met them there.  And I really just can't rave about Jamaica enough.  If you haven't done it, you need to.

Also, I love my husband so very, very much.  It was more than amazing to get away, just the two of us.  More on that later.  For now, here are some of our favorite pics from the week.

Ya mon.

- K

 

 

 

 

Still Blooming

Today is my 30th birthday, and tomorrow is my first day back at work after a week of vacation.  My wonderful in-laws left this afternoon, and the house has been sort of cleaned in preparation for our next visitors, coming this week, and I've sort of logged in to work to catch up.  But it's my birthday and what I really want to do is reflect on this kinda big birthday, so I here I am.

I have to say that as a kid "30" sounded so old and mature, and so far off in the future.  I mean, we should be wearing silver space suits and platform moon boots by now, right?  Now that it's come it honestly feels a little anticlimactic.  Besides the big trip to Jamaica, of course.  I always thought it would be weird to turn 30, and somewhat anticipated having a hard time with it.   I've even found myself thinking about this day and how I feel about it, trying to dig deep and see if there are any hard feelings towards this new decade, and I can't find a single one.

I will say that I've been thinking a lot about the past 30 years, and the next...but before I get all Tim McGraw-y up in here, I'm actually not really sure if it has more to do with my birthday or a book I read while on vacation - Bloom, by Kelle Hampton.  The book is a memoir about when Kelle gave birth to her baby girl, who she did not know beforehand had Down syndrome.  It is a brutally honest depiction of her journey, and for me a tearjerker and life-changer.

Side note: Do not start your very first vacation away from your very first baby by reading an article about the families that lost their kids in the Newtown shooting, followed by this book.  I'm pretty sure Ryan was going to ask to trade seats on the airplane when he came back from the restroom to a sobbing wife.

Anyways, this book was so inspiring to me, and it made me look at my own life and see how fantastically blessed I am.  And not only by the countless wonderful things that have happened along the way, but also by the many hard times I faced that became a beautiful part of my broken road.

At 30 years old I have it darn good.  I know that hard times are yet to be faced, and to be perfectly honest, typing that takes my breath away a little bit and squeezes at my heart, because the unknown is a little bit terrifying.  I also know that there will be some amazing times ahead, but even better than that I have faith that any challenges we face we'll get through.  The light at the end of the tunnel will appear, and another piece to my road will be put into place.

I cannot wait for my next 30 to begin, and hopefully another 30 after that.  Life is beautiful.

- K

Throwback Thursday

This outfit was mine when I was a little babe, and was passed on to my sisters, Jo and Savannah.  I've been waiting for the day my own little babe fits into it, and she finally does!  (kind of.)  That belly sticking out just kills me.  And her little ponytail sprout...too stinkin cute! 

- K

Around the House

I feel like we're finally making some progress on getting this big, generic house decorated, and most of  you friends and family haven't seen it, so I thought I'd share some pics!  

 

While taking pictues I realized that our house is mostly decorated with baby pictures and booze, so I think we were right on the money when we titled this here blog.  ;)

 

Also, what house is complete without a couple of snuggly cats??

 

- K