Thursday, March 28, 2013

Love Letters: Step Mothering

Step Mothering

Wow, I hate that word, but there it is. It’s a word all {most} step moms hate. Ever since Disney movies, we have been portrayed as evil, scheming women, whose sole drive in life is to torture their step children or send them off to boarding school.
But, do you know what? It’s just a label. My kids {note how I don’t refer to them as my step children} call me Mommy. Ever since their dad and I began dating, they said it and we didn’t stop them. From the beginning, we knew we would someday be married, so there was no harm in it, and obviously, they needed a mom.
So I became that for them. I was just 19, but the things you do for your children, the way you turn your whole life around and grow up… It’s so worth giving up the silly things you once deemed important.
Being a step mom is difficult, as I’m sure being a biological mother is, which I will someday also know. Growing up, I always knew my sister Kassi as my sister, not my half-sister. She has a different dad than my younger sister and I do, but having the example of how my dad treated my sister was such a blessing as I now look and see myself stepping into the same role. She called him Dad. It was normal.
I have been told it takes a special person to step in and become a step parent. But I don’t think so. I don’t need a pat on the back. I think that once you love someone, everything they love also becomes a treasure to you. It’s not something difficult to understand. I mean yes, we have problems that undivided families don’t; insecurities about the biological parent, fights with them, children’s tears upon leaving…
It used to be really difficult for me to accept that they had a biological mother, oddly. I felt like I was supposed to be their true and only mom because of all I had done for them, like I deserved it or something. But now, as changes have happened over the last year, I realize how important it is to build her up to my boys. It’s not fair for them to hear bad things about their parents {step or biological} and to plant a bad seed. Then they feel like they have to be one person in one home, and another in the other home.
I think this has been my whole journey all along. The word kindness has always had a special importance to me, and if I didn’t act and give grace and mercy the way Jesus has given me, I would be a hypocrite. But even if it’s not to better myself, being kind to her makes this whole thing easier. Not only for me, but most importantly, for the boys. They need an example of Jesus, and an example of how people should treat people, even if in this soiled world, people don’t always treat others as they should.
Children are an amazing gift. They make you look at things through different eyes, and cause joys where there would normally be sadness. Their innocence makes me yearn for my childhood, and to create a good one for them, which is the next best thing. Just thinking about the fact that this tiny person, this baby who has no knowledge of right and wrong is your responsibility is mind blowing. The person they become is a direct reflection of what you taught them.

Psalms 127:3 ”Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from Him.”
- Savannah Lucero
IG: savannahsnow

Note from Kassi: Man, I love my sister.  I am beyond proud of her and what a great mommy she is.  Sav is 6 years younger than me, and I am still in awe of her ability to step into such a tremendous role at such a tender age.  She owned it, and she is a complete natural.  Those boys are unbelievably blessed to have her in their lives.

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