Thursday, May 2, 2013

Love Letters: Feeling Like a Failure

Becoming a mommy has made me realize what is really important in life.  Some days are some days I actually feel like I want to give up.  I feel guilty when some days I get up and just go through the mom motions without finding much joy (don't get me wrong, this isn't often, and I do LOVE being a mommy, but it does happen).  Somehow I get caught up in society's idea of what a mom should be.  The pressure to look a certain way after giving birth, to be crafty, happy, up before anyone, with the house spic-and-span, laundry not only washed, but folded AND put away, dinner cooking by 9am, tomorrow's dinner being planned while we do our daily one hour workout, immediately followed by doing our hair, makeup, putting on the nice clothes that we had plenty of time to shop for, then getting the supplies out of the perfectly organized, PINTEREST inspired closet to do the 5 art projects planned for the afternoon.  In reality, it's 7am, the baby was up all night with a fever...or just because he has decided that at 20 months old he still doesn't want to sleep through the night.  We get our coffee (AHHH, sweet coffee) and our mind already starts thinking about all the stuff that NEEDS to be done, and all the stuff that most likely WILL NOT get done. So already, at 7:30am, you feel like a failure as not only a mom, but also a wife.

My new quest, as a mom, a wife, and a friend, is to remember what is important.  To look at each laugh, new word learned, every time Carter learns to jump off of something new without falling, each new animal sound, every time my husband has a home cooked meal that is "actually pretty good", and every time I look at the laughing, smiling, happiest faces of the two loves in my life and know that I have succeeded.  A good quote from a fellow blogger, "We make mistakes, we just have to learn from them.  We're out of breath, racing, and exhausted, but truly not failing.  Failing means stopping.  Not getting up, not trying, not giving.  That's not me."

So, as I post this today, I am not failing, I am going.  I may not be going fast, or forward, but I am going.  I know God gave me the chance to be the mommy to an amazing boy and the wife to this wonderful man and he won't let me fail at that!

Every night I go in to watch Carter sleep before we go to bed.  As I stand there, I quickly forget all the struggles of the day and am again just smitten with this perfect little boy that I get to call my son.  There is no job more difficult or more rewarding than this right here...and this right here is all that matters!

- Charlotte Collins

Facebook: Charlotte Christine Photography


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