Thursday, January 23, 2014

Animals are Assholes

I'm sorry for the language, but can we just be honest with ourselves for a second?  There are about a million and two causes out there inundating my social media about these "Pitiful Pooches" and "Krestfallen Kitties", and I'm calling your bluff.  Animals are assholes.

Seriously.  They are expensive.  They are loud.  They are dirty.  They have zero regard for their human counterparts, pooping and peeing anywhere they please without the slightest hint of remorse.  They bark and meow in the middle of the night, just to check in, make sure you know they're still there.  And then, after all that, they demand treats at all hours of the day.  As if they've actually done anything remotely worthy of a reward.

I can't remember the last time I sat down and actually had my lap to myself.  Or a pillow to myself for a single night's sleep.  I don't know what it's like to walk through the house without some kind of critter wrapping themselves around my ankles and tripping me, and not a single pair of black pants is still black 5 minutes after putting them on.

But, just when I think I've had enough and I've written off ever having another animal again...they curl up next to me, the warm piles of fur with those sad puppy dog and puss in boots eyes, and all is forgiven. 

Damn it. 

- K


  1. Carlos and Tim and Kevin love you!!

  2. I agree w your list wholeheartedly!! Maj & Jett say hi!!