Love Letters: Samuel Brave

Sometimes your life can be impacted by a life-changing, heart-stopping miracle; and sometimes those miracles can get lost in the common hours of diaper changing and getting dinner on the table. May this serve as a reminder to treasure the miracles in your life, and as hope if you're still waiting for your miracle.

The very One who created and designed you says to delight yourself in Him and He will give you the desires of your heart. That's what God told me. He said I wouldn't have to do anything, because He was going to do it. He was going to personally fulfill my heart's deepest desire. It's hard to hold on to that when years have passed and the Heavens are silent. In those heart-wrenching moments, God was teaching me to relish the Giver above the gift I was seeking. Enjoy Him. Enjoy that He is a good Father who loves to give good gifts to His kids.

What was this gift I was asking for? A son. My heart was longing for a son. We already had three precious children, Kaleb, Gabriella, and Sophia. How could I ask for more? But somehow God had given me this heart's desire. This impossible wish. My husband, Ben, had suffered horrible injuries in a motorcycle accident years earlier and due to complications from this, having more children would take a miracle. But there it was, we both felt this promise in our hearts that a son would come. God had planted this deep longing for a baby boy and He gave us the name Samuel. It means "Asked of God" and "God has Heard". So ask we did. God says you have not because you ask not. So we asked, and pleaded, and begged, and asked some more.

Sometimes it is darkest just before the dawn. At one of these extremely dark points, God spoke to me. In the middle of doubting whether I had truly heard from Him, if He was really going to do what He said, or if it was just all me, I had a dream. God doesn't normally speak to me in dreams, but it was apparent that this was something He was doing. In my dream, a little blond boy came up to me and handed me a yellow construction paper card with Elmer's glue, gold glittery letters that said "Don't give up on the impossible." My heart stopped. God had heard my desperate heart-felt pleas that I thought had, at times, bounced off the ceiling. With Him, all things are possible. God was doing this, I just had no idea how.

Well like God said, I didn't have to do anything. Ben and I are pastors, and through a series of events, we met two of our heroes. Hannah, six months pregnant, and Joshua were ready to put their baby up for adoption. We immediately began all of the paperwork and meeting with the adoption agency because, by some kiss from Heaven, they had chosen us to be their baby's parents. Their words to us: "You guys are the family God has been especially preparing for our child." Wow!

We obviously knew that cost was involved with adoption. In one particular meeting with the agency, they went over and detailed all of the financials, and then they dropped the bomb. We would pay all the costs and then should the birth mom change her mind, we would not get the money back. We would pay everything and may walk away with nothing. The car ride home was silent. It felt as though we had been punched in the gut and that the hope was going out of our dream. We were in despair for a day or two and then one morning the Lord woke me very early. Jesus' words echoed so loudly in my heart, "I paid the price for you, with no guarantee that I'd get your heart." That was costly love poured out upon that cross. He paid the ultimate price. And it was then that I realized, I too am adopted. God says that He picked us out for Himself before the foundation of the world. He calls us sons and daughters. How could I not love like He did? How could I not give, and possibly get nothing in return? We knew what we were to do.

Along with meetings at the agency, we met with Hannah and Joshua. They knew our heart for adoption and that we had prayed for this baby, but they did not know the name the Lord had given us. At one point Hannah shared, "Of course you can name the baby whatever you want, but we really feel like his name is supposed to be Samuel." Tears streamed down my face, and Ben was speechless. God had ordained this whole thing!

God has the best for us if we're willing to wait for His timing. He has put those desires in our heart, not to withhold them, but because He wants to fulfill them.

Samuel was born December 7th at 7:03 a.m. weighing 7 lbs, 2 ounces and was just perfect. He was completely worth the wait. God had heard. If He can do it for me, He can do it for you. No heart-wrenching longing is too big for Him to fulfill. He sees you. He knows. And He is a good Daddy who wants to give.

Samuel Brave you are our promise, our fulfillment, our son.

"Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" Matthew 7:9-11

- Holly Binger

Note from Kassi: Holly and Ben Binger are pastors at my family's church back home in CO.  When my mom told me this story I was just blown away.  I asked Holly for permission to share a few more details that I think make this story even more amazing.

She mentioned Hannah and Joshua, Sam's biological parents.  They didn't just get randomly matched up with these two people at the adoption agency.  Hannah's mom had called the church the Bingers work at for prayer on a completely different matter.  While talking to the church receptionist it happened to come out that her daughter was going to an adoption agency that very day.  As soon as the receptionist got off the phone with Sam's biological grandma, Holly walked through the doors.  The receptionist, knowing only recently of Holly's dream of adopting, told her all about it.  Holly was floored by the fact that this mom's name was Hannah, who in the bible gave up Samuel for adoption.  And here she was hoping and praying and believing for a Samuel of her own.  She called the grandma back immediately, and that's how they ended up meeting Hannah and Joshua, and eventually their little Samuel.

As Holly said, through Him all things are possible.  He hears us and answers us.  Sometimes that answer is no, sometimes it's yes and sometimes it's just wait.  But if this story doesn't give you hope for whatever is going on in your life, I don't know what does.

Thank you, Holly, for sharing this beautiful story!

Also, how cool is the middle name Brave?  Kicking myself for not thinking of that on my own!  ;)

Love Letters: A Guest Post

Wow, when I was asked to be a part of the "Love Letter" series I have to admit I was beyond flattered and so thrilled to start writing! I read some of the previous posts for Inspiration and an idea of what to write.  In doing so I had the idea to write 3 letters. One to myself, one to my son, and one from God, or rather what i think He'd want me to know. Here it goes: 

 

Dear Self, 

 

Yes, YOU! Stop right there and take a moment to breathe and read this love letter that your soul so desperately needs.  First of all, congratulations on making it through a very challenging time emotionally and physically throughout your pregnancy. You carried a human being from a bundle of cells to a 7.4 lb bundle of love. You watched on as your body changed, having no control over the new shape and form taking place, and embraced it. Even during those moments when you could no longer fit into your bras or underwear anymore, ya THOSE moments, you persevered.  You looked at the beauty that was within and accepted the transformation taking place as something that was none other than the greatest gift you'd ever been a part of. Although there were rough moments, you always loved yourself and never gave into the enemy's lies while he tried to attack you with insecurities and use your vulnerable emotional state against you.. No, you stayed strong and kept your faith in focus. Be proud. Feel great, no feel wonderful, that you not only did that for YOU but for your son. He is healthy and alive because of you and your healthy, loving choices. 

 

Now, look at the mess you've been in your head lately. What's going on? Lets take a closer look & have a moment of self-reflection. You wake every morning with a to-do list in mind that you allow to instantly consume you. You beat yourself up if you don't get the baby's clothes changed in time after feeding him, changing his diaper, stimulating him and playing with him, using the bathroom yourself and trying to eat breakfast and pump all at the same time. Now he's fussy and he was supposed to be asleep 5 minutes ago! Oh no, 5 minutes is BIG, you're interrupting his sleep schedule while sleep training. Keep in mind, darling love, you only had 1 hour to get this done.. Because this little one takes his first nap real quick upon awakening. Then once he's down you go through the next list in your head.. "The me list".. Nope not yet. That one's still on hold. "The house list"..yes, that's the one!  You scroll through what needs to be done, dishes are in the sink from the dinner you made the night before, laundry has gone bad because its been sitting wet in the washer for more than a day, you just moved 2 weeks ago so you have loads of boxes to unpack, clothes to put away, and bills to pay. Oh yes, you also need to go to the grocery store.. Isn't that fun by yourself ..with a newborn (:   

 

Next list, "the Me list". Okay, you need to make some coffee because you were up multiple times last night, you need to read your daily devotional, pray and journal. You need to wash your face and get ready for the day (oh wait, we don't do that anymore unless we are going somewhere).. Okay scratch that, put on gym clothes to motivate yourself. Besides, lets face it, you will soon be covered in spit up. Now return all the text messages you have yet to read so your friends and family know you are still alive. Pause. You're stuck, you don't know which "to do" to do first..So you pick one that seems easy and less overwhelming. Now the baby woke up prematurely.. Get him back to sleep..10 mins later same thing. 5 mins later same thing. Now it's time to wake him and feed him and start it all over again. So what about those lists, ey!? 

 

Are you seeing the crazy that you are? A hot mess. It's okay, most first time mamas are. You've managed to learn something new each week & will only continue to get better & better at balancing all this mama stuff.  But lets start something new here today. Lets try to put down our lists for just a moment, tuck away our self defeating thoughts, and lets have you reflect back on each day at all you HAVE accomplished. Lets have this be your new focus.  

Today you woke up, nourished your son through breast feeding (amen to be able to do that), got him dressed, fed yourself, got yourself ready, packed his diaper bag, put him down for a nap, went to work for a few hours, visited grandpa, fed the baby, put baby down for another nap, wrote and finished 2 blogs, ate lunch, made sure you were drinking enough water, changed the baby and fed him again, did laundry, took the baby for a walk, worked out for an hour at the gym while baby napped, you affirmed your best friend,  fed the baby and got him ready for bed, showered, put the baby to bed with daddy singing songs, made dinner, fed the baby and put him back to bed, spent time with your husband, read "purpose driven life" with your husband, and went to bed. You accomplished much more than you would've realized had you not had a moment to stop and self-reflect. Make that your new goal. Stop looking at all you didn't do and look at all you did do.. Even if its just that you fed yourself and took care of your family that day. That's enough, and that is a lot. And it's a very honorable thing to do each day, so be proud of yourself because being a parent is such a blessing, but can also be the most challenging job in the world at times.  

 

My husband is part of the AA program and taught me a great way to start off my mornings. "Three G's" - 3 things I am Grateful for".."3 Goals for the day"...& lastly, "3 things I'm Good at". I love this little exercise because it keeps my heart filled with gratitude, makes me set just a few goals, and reminds me to affirm myself and lift myself up instead of the opposite. Today I am grateful for my family, I am grateful to be alive and appreciate life, I am grateful for food to eat and a home to feel safe in. Today my goals are to finish this blog post, do 1 load of laundry from start to finish, and soak up at least an hour of family time with my two boys by living in the moment with them and forgetting all about "whatever else I think I need to do". 

 

To sum it up, have a moment of self-reflection everyday to check in and see what's going on in that head of yours.  Secondly, focus on what you DID accomplish that day & leave the rest for tomorrow.  Third, be grateful, affirm yourself and set just three small goals for the day (instead of a billion because then you'll always feel like you've failed).  Lastly, keep on loving yourself.

 

Love, 

Me

 

Dearest Baby Boy,

 

You are my sunshine. You light up each day with the brightest sunlight I could ever imagine.  I'm writing this letter to do my best to convey the love I have for you.  This  love seeps into the depths of my heart, into the valleys where I didn't know love existed. I could hold you close on the darkest of days and just soak in the sunshine that you are. You must have gotten this from your daddy because only him & Jesus know how to reach these places in my soul. If you can brighten a crummy day then just imagine how much joy you bring to our family on the most spectacular of days! Your smile reminds me not to worry. It pricks my heart and tells me I'm foolish for caring so much about things that don't matter, when what really matters is right in front of me. Your smile. Your heart. To protect you, love you, and lead you. Daddy feels the same way. We often talk about how you've changed  our lives & how we couldn't dream of  having a child so perfect for us. You make us love deeper, you connected us in a way that isn't possible without you. You are a literal dream.come.true.  It's been a whirlwind trying to figure out this new life with you in it, but these are the memories we'll laugh about when you're older and we've figured out how to balance & juggle everything. Life with you is so sweet, it's tender and delicate, each day brings something new. The simplest of things is so b e a u t i f u l, life with you honestly means so much to me.  I watch you learning & growing from morning to night, day after day & my heart gets so excited.  I understand God's love & how He must see us even more through loving you and being your mommy. It's truly the only unconditional love. There's nothing you could do to ruin or spoil the love I have for you sweet boy. My hope is for you to always feel my love and never question how deep it goes. I know I will not always be the perfect mommy and I'm going to mess up a ton I'm sure, but I believe you will understand and love me anyhow. You  look right into my soul and make me feel like every imperfection I have doesn't matter in the least. God chose me to be your mama and that gives me more confidence and assurance than I could ever need. I am yours forever sweet son and for that I am forever blessed beyond what my heart can bare. 

 

Love,

Mommy

 

 

To My Daughter, 

 

I am so proud of you. Just stop and let that sink in.  You have become such a wonderful mom and wife this past year. I walk by your side every day just watching how much you enjoy the blessings I have given you through your precious family, My family. This is my every intention. I want you to enjoy Taylor and Cash and glorify me through the joy they bring to you and others. I chose you for them and created you for each other. I have so much planned for My family, your family, and just wish that you would trust in Me more. I wanted you to understand just how much I love you through having a child of your own. He is mine, but I created Cash through you and for you so that you could not only enjoy him but also experience the love I have for you by loving your son. I knew when you became a mommy that My love would be SO evident and so clear to you. I am celebrating here with you as you journey towards growing closer to me these past couple of months because of this realization of how deep my love goes. So many worldly things can become a distraction from Me, even good things like becoming a mom, so I want you to be focused more now than ever. Focus on your Father, the One who knows you ever so well and wants to guide you in not just life but more specifically to be a light to your family. Raise Cash up to know my name and to see his parents daily walking with Me, side by side. He needs to see Me in you. When you face days that seem unbearable remember I can take your load, that is why I died on the cross for you. Do not worry about Cash's future for His future is in My hands and he is My child above all. Trusting Me means you have Faith that I know what is best for you and your family, My family.  Let "trust in Me" be your words for this first year as a mommy and your second year as a wife.  Let My Holy Spirit lead you and rest knowing you are in my care. This is the best gift you can give to your family. And this is the gift I have given to you all. 

 

Love,

Your Heavenly Father

- Tessa Armstrong
www.tessarayanne.blogspot.com

Love Letters: Dear Lyla

My Dear Lyla Rose,

I wanted to write a letter to you today, mostly for my own reference in case the time comes that I need some reminding.  I love you, baby girl.  Oh, how I love you.  With my whole heart and soul, I love you.  You’re a sweet little thing with the slightest streak of naughty that makes me love you all the more.   The thing is, you’re just a baby now, and we still share such a close and precious bond that today it’s easy to love you.  With your crazy hair, dark brown eyes, chubby cheeks, knuckle dimples, all those rolls, your sweet hugs and kisses, the way you lean on me to read books, and so much more…how could I not love you?

But I realize that some day it may not be so easy.  Some day you might make a decision I disagree with, or life choices that I can’t understand.  There will be times I’m mad at you, or you at me, but I want you to know that no matter what – NO. MATTER. WHAT. – I love you.  Forever and ever you have my heart and my undying, unconditional love. 

I pray that as days continue to fly by that I will remember this.  That you will feel it.  I hope you have comfort in talking to me about anything and everything – the good, the bad, and the ugly.  And more than anything I hope that my response is loving and graceful.  That my response let’s you know that no matter what, it’s ok.  Because it is.  I am yours, and you are mine and you will have my love, support, respect, and praise until the end of time.  No matter who you become, YOU are my dream come true.

Because, as that dumb book that makes your silly mama cry every single time says – I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always.  As long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be.

- Your Mama

P.S. Daddy says “ditto.”  And also that he’s always available for beat up duty.  Any time.  Any place.

Love Letters: Feeling Like a Failure

Becoming a mommy has made me realize what is really important in life.  Some days are tough...no some days I actually feel like I want to give up.  I feel guilty when some days I get up and just go through the mom motions without finding much joy (don't get me wrong, this isn't often, and I do LOVE being a mommy, but it does happen).  Somehow I get caught up in society's idea of what a mom should be.  The pressure to look a certain way after giving birth, to be crafty, happy, up before anyone, with the house spic-and-span, laundry not only washed, but folded AND put away, dinner cooking by 9am, tomorrow's dinner being planned while we do our daily one hour workout, immediately followed by doing our hair, makeup, putting on the nice clothes that we had plenty of time to shop for, then getting the supplies out of the perfectly organized, PINTEREST inspired closet to do the 5 art projects planned for the afternoon.  In reality, it's 7am, the baby was up all night with a fever...or just because he has decided that at 20 months old he still doesn't want to sleep through the night.  We get our coffee (AHHH, sweet coffee) and our mind already starts thinking about all the stuff that NEEDS to be done, and all the stuff that most likely WILL NOT get done. So already, at 7:30am, you feel like a failure as not only a mom, but also a wife.

My new quest, as a mom, a wife, and a friend, is to remember what is important.  To look at each laugh, new word learned, every time Carter learns to jump off of something new without falling, each new animal sound, every time my husband has a home cooked meal that is "actually pretty good", and every time I look at the laughing, smiling, happiest faces of the two loves in my life and know that I have succeeded.  A good quote from a fellow blogger, "We make mistakes, we just have to learn from them.  We're out of breath, racing, and exhausted, but truly not failing.  Failing means stopping.  Not getting up, not trying, not giving.  That's not me."

So, as I post this today, I am not failing, I am going.  I may not be going fast, or forward, but I am going.  I know God gave me the chance to be the mommy to an amazing boy and the wife to this wonderful man and he won't let me fail at that!

Every night I go in to watch Carter sleep before we go to bed.  As I stand there, I quickly forget all the struggles of the day and am again just smitten with this perfect little boy that I get to call my son.  There is no job more difficult or more rewarding than this right here...and this right here is all that matters!

- Charlotte Collins

Website: CharlotteChristinePhotography.com
Facebook: Charlotte Christine Photography

 

Love Letters: From Freedom to Falling in Love

So I guess I’m going to give this blog thing a try. Before I start babbling, I want to thank you, Kassi, for all of your advice on mommy-hood. You’re a fabulous mommy to Lyla and I couldn’t have done this without you. XOXO!

Prior to becoming a mom, life was SO carefree. I could do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, and didn’t have to answer to anybody! I could come and go as I pleased, make spur of the moment plans, sleep all day, sleep all night, take a long relaxing shower, take a long relaxing bath, get ready at my own pace, not worry about anything… I mean the list goes on and on. I was 100% content. It was awesome. It was perfect. 

And then… I became a mom. I became a mom to the most beautiful baby boy I’d ever seen. I melt inside thinking about the first time I laid eyes on my son. I couldn’t believe he was mine and that he was so perfect. It brings tears to my eyes. Asking, “how can you possibly love someone SO much that you just met” sounds so cliché. But it exists. It’s very real. He will never know the amount of love I have for him.

From the moment he arrived, nothing from my prior ‘perfect life’ mattered. None of it. He was now the center of my world and everything I thought about and everything I did was for him. All I wanted to do was sit around all day long and snuggle and stare at my baby. I’m serious. It got to the point where I had to force myself to be socially interactive! My poor husband probably thought I’d really let myself go when showering became a luxury and I considered ‘getting dressed’ for the day to be changing from my pajamas to my yoga pants. I do want to clarify that I now shower and get dressed in real clothes on the reg. In the early newborn days, most of the time the house was absolutely trashed and most of the time I looked like I’d been hit by a bus, but it didn’t matter. As long as my baby was content and dressed in some seriously adorable clothes, I didn’t care about anything else.

I’ve never been one to live in the moment because I’m always dwelling on how fast time goes and yearning for things in the past. Because of this, I take the opportunity to take as many pictures and videos of him as possible so I don’t forget a minute. It’s kind of funny to see how many I have of him as a newborn just laying on his back staring into the abyss. Others probably found them to be so dull and boring, but to me every single one was better than the last. I remember wondering if I should ease up on how many pictures I was posting of him (because it was kind of crazy for a bit, I’ll admit), but I couldn’t help it. I was smitten… obsessed. He had stolen my heart forever. Besides, if people didn’t like it then they didn’t have to follow me! :)

Every night before I go to sleep, I go through my phone and look at all of the pictures and videos I’ve accumulated of him over the past 6 months. On Instagram, I can see in the top right hand corner how much time has elapsed since I posted that specific picture and my heart breaks a little every time another week passes by. I’m not sure that feeling will ever go away completely, but I will say that with time he only gets better and better. His little (or should I say BIG) personality is starting to show. With each new noise and each new milestone he hits, I find myself feeling so excited and proud of him. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still saddened by the fact that he isn’t my tiny little newborn anymore, but I do actually find myself looking forward to the next new thing he is going to learn and actually encouraging him to grow! It helps me to live in the moment and soak it all in.

Long story short, becoming a mom has changed my life forever. I may not be able to come and go as I please, make spur of the moment plans, sleep all day, sleep all NIGHT, take a long relaxing shower or a long relaxing bath, get ready at my own pace, or not worry about anything… in fact I worry about EVERYTHING. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love you Dexter John, you are the light of my life. xoxo

- Heather Sebra
Instagram: feather24


Note from Kassi: I love this girl and her little baby, D.  But I mostly love that she’s every bit as crazy-in-love with her baby as I am with mine.  We’ve had quite the adventure becoming moms around the same time, and have become our own little mama sanity check team…which is good and bad because I think we’re probably very far from sane, but together at least we feel normal. ;)

Love Letters: Step Mothering

Step Mothering

Wow, I hate that word, but there it is. It’s a word all {most} step moms hate. Ever since Disney movies, we have been portrayed as evil, scheming women, whose sole drive in life is to torture their step children or send them off to boarding school.

But, do you know what? It’s just a label. My kids {note how I don’t refer to them as my step children} call me Mommy. Ever since their dad and I began dating, they said it and we didn’t stop them. From the beginning, we knew we would someday be married, so there was no harm in it, and obviously, they needed a mom.

 

So I became that for them. I was just 19, but the things you do for your children, the way you turn your whole life around and grow up… It’s so worth giving up the silly things you once deemed important.

Being a step mom is difficult, as I’m sure being a biological mother is, which I will someday also know. Growing up, I always knew my sister Kassi as my sister, not my half-sister. She has a different dad than my younger sister and I do, but having the example of how my dad treated my sister was such a blessing as I now look and see myself stepping into the same role. She called him Dad. It was normal.

 

I have been told it takes a special person to step in and become a step parent. But I don’t think so. I don’t need a pat on the back. I think that once you love someone, everything they love also becomes a treasure to you. It’s not something difficult to understand. I mean yes, we have problems that undivided families don’t; insecurities about the biological parent, fights with them, children’s tears upon leaving…

It used to be really difficult for me to accept that they had a biological mother, oddly. I felt like I was supposed to be their true and only mom because of all I had done for them, like I deserved it or something. But now, as changes have happened over the last year, I realize how important it is to build her up to my boys. It’s not fair for them to hear bad things about their parents {step or biological} and to plant a bad seed. Then they feel like they have to be one person in one home, and another in the other home.

 

I think this has been my whole journey all along. The word kindness has always had a special importance to me, and if I didn’t act and give grace and mercy the way Jesus has given me, I would be a hypocrite. But even if it’s not to better myself, being kind to her makes this whole thing easier. Not only for me, but most importantly, for the boys. They need an example of Jesus, and an example of how people should treat people, even if in this soiled world, people don’t always treat others as they should.

Children are an amazing gift. They make you look at things through different eyes, and cause joys where there would normally be sadness. Their innocence makes me yearn for my childhood, and to create a good one for them, which is the next best thing. Just thinking about the fact that this tiny person, this baby who has no knowledge of right and wrong is your responsibility is mind blowing. The person they become is a direct reflection of what you taught them.

Psalms 127:3 ”Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from Him.”

- Savannah Lucero
IG: savannahsnow
Blog: www.thepetitechef.wordpress.com

Note from Kassi: Man, I love my sister.  I am beyond proud of her and what a great mommy she is.  Sav is 6 years younger than me, and I am still in awe of her ability to step into such a tremendous role at such a tender age.  She owned it, and she is a complete natural.  Those boys are unbelievably blessed to have her in their lives.

Love Letters: Wonderfully Made

found this awesome print on etsy here

When I thought about my first official "Love Letters" post, I knew I wanted to elaborate on my first rambling session, but wasn't sure where to start or how to further explain myself.  Then as the week went on I stumbled upon a couple of perfect images that gave me a little inspiration.

This is the thing, we all know that a lot of girls have self esteem issues, and the world has unfair standards, and those pictures we all compare ourselves to are photoshopped, and yada yada.  Pretty much all my life I was definitely wrapped up in all that, basically basing my entire worth on looks alone.  One of my mom's favorite stories is from when I was 4 years old and started crying on the way home from church because "no one told me I was pretty".  True story...and so funny.

When I got pregnant it was like my eyes were open in a whole new way.  I felt amazing and strong, blessed, proud, and totally in awe of what our bodies are capable of.  It was like I finally recognized and understood what a miracle life really is.  Psalms 139:14 really sunk in...we all start as these little miracles in our mom's bellies, made wonderfully by God himself. And it's such a tragedy that most of us never see it that way.  Our eyes, nose, mouth, hair, legs, everything were created on purpose by the one that loves us most.  How could we ever hate something about ourselves if we know that?

one of our favorite books





Now, obviously I'm no Mother Theresa over here.  I still find myself nitpicking the smallest things, and sometimes wishing that what I see in the mirror more closely resembled what I see in a Victoria's Secret catalog, but I'm now able to stop myself from going down that mental path, and accept myself for who I am...and not expect myself to be what or who someone else is.  Which is a huge step forward from where I used to be.

 

Having gone through this, and realizing now how silly it was, and seeing how many years were wasted chasing the wrong kind of perfection, all I can hope and pray is that I can lead my beautiful little daughter down a different path. 

 

A friend of mine pinned this quote on pinterest, and it's so perfect. 

 

 

Kind of a cheesy picture, but still so perfect.  This is what I want.  I mean, ideally I would love to teach our kids to see themselves from God's eyes, in all the glory and perfection that He sees them in.  But, realistically I just hope that I can instill an understanding in them that they were made exactly the way they were on purpose.  That they are their very own version of perfection.  And, meanwhile, somehow, build their self-esteem so high that the world can't ever tear them down.

 

That's where it gets a little tricky for me.  How do I build them up without making them cocky?  Or compliment them so they are confident in their beauty, but not consumed by it?  Or teach them to be sure of themselves but maintain a sense of humility?

 

I can't answer those questions now, but I have faith we'll figure it out along the way.  Our baby L is just too precious not to.

 

- K

 

 

Love Letters: An Intro

So, I promise this is the last “introductory” post about the new series, but I finally came up with a name and wanted to give a little more background on what I hope it will be.

Growing up, my mom always said “you won’t know until you’re a mom”, and I kind of laughed it off the way you do with your mom and her sayings, but then I became a mom and suddenly I knew.  I had finally joined “the club” and could understand that love that is impossible to know until you feel it.  But then I started thinking about this series and motherhood in general, and I realized that while I may have joined the mom club, there are so many different kinds of moms that are experiencing things I may never experience - single moms, married moms, moms of many, moms of one, moms that could only become moms through adoption or surrogacy, and moms that chose to adopt in addition to the ones that came from their own bellies.  Moms that work full time or part time, or stay at home.  The list goes on and on.

Motherhood has surprised me in so many ways, but I realize that everyone’s experience is different.  We all have different stories, and struggles, and successes, and I think it would be kind of amazing to share those with each other.  So this series, “Love Letters”, will be just that – love letters to ourselves, our babies, our other wonderful mama friends…and don’t worry dads, you won’t be excluded since I’m sure Ryan will want to add his two cents, as he tends to do.

Anyways, I’m really looking forward to the series because I just love gushing about my baby, and hearing other moms do the same.  But I also like the idea of sharing our hopes and dreams and fears and struggles, and being comforted in the fact that others are going through similar things.

So, here’s to moms, dads, babies, and finally getting this thing going…this week…maybe.  ;)

- K